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| Fight or Flight Part One By Roger J. Warrum |
| It must be understood that most family companies have conflicts within them. A conflict can be
described as a situation where two or more individuals perceive themselves as having different interests
(such as in the outcome of a decision). My first suggestion is that you do not refuse to acknowledge that your company or your family will have conflicts. It is very common for someone to approach me and say, “I have heard your speeches and I am glad to report that we never have conflicts in our family. We are just one big, happy family.” I usually smile and say, “That’s great! You are very fortunate to be among the very few family businesses that can do that.” I wonder if they really have no conflicts, or fall into a much more likely category. Maybe they refuse to acknowledge that they have a problem, or simply don’t want to deal with conflict. So they hide it. Families are usually less likely to explore a conflict when they are less secure in their relationship. If a family is very secure in their relationship, they will be more likely to say what they think and be honest. It is very difficult to be honest if you don’t feel that your relationship is on solid ground. However, if you are truly one of those lucky few who just do not have conflicts, then I tip my hat to you. Don’t forget, you are not the only member of your family. There may be others in the group who are hiding their feelings and waiting for the right moment to spring into action. Have you ever heard your spouse plead as you were traveling to a family gathering, “Don’t bring that up, it will just start a fight”? Sound familiar? Guess what, you’re normal. A conflict can be described as a situation where two or more individuals perceive themselves as having different interests. In order for one to win, the other must lose. If you were raised in America, you already know that we will make a game out of anything, find a way to keep score, and then bet on it. You stand a great chance of being very competitive. We begin teaching our children competition from the time they begin to walk. In fact, learning how to walk may even become a competition. Have you ever heard a group of parents get together and compare results, including the amount of time it took their child to walk or be potty trained? “My little Lori was potty trained at six months,” says the proud parent. “Oh yeah?” says proud parent number two, “My kid was walking at three months.” “Well, let me tell you something,” says proud parent number three, “my kid was reading when she was four months old.” “That’s nothing,” says proud parent number four, “my kid was born on Monday, walked home by himself on Saturday, read the map for directions, and stopped at the rest room twice on the way!” No competition here? Yeah, right! We are Americans; competition is a reality. |
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