|
 |
 |
| Fight or Flight
Part One (Con't) By Roger J. Warrum |
| The general perception of resolving a conflict is that in order for me to get what
I want, I must not allow you to get what you want. There are many cases when that is just
not true. This misconception is the most common basis for conflict.
In my opinion, there are two different ingredients involved in analyzing any conflict.
Most people have a “Purpose�, which aligns itself with the motive behind their conflict.
The second ingredient is their “Position�, which often appears as their stance or strategy
toward trying to get their own way. Their Purpose is made from their hopes, dreams, wants, needs, and desires. Its basis springs from deep within their psychological and physical makeup. It is affected by their culture and their upbringing. It is the basis for why some people like cold weather and some like it hot. Some like crowds and some would rather be alone. Some people like a lot of friends and some want very few. Their Purpose acts as the anchor holding them to the core of their nature. Their Position, however, is the method and location where they drop the anchor. They might try to woo you to their position. They might try to intimidate or use anger to persuade. Parents and children often use “holding hostage� as a method of establishing their Position. “If you don’t start passing the stock to me, I am going to have to start looking at other options for employment.� A thousand times I have been sitting in a family meeting and listen to the children threaten to quit the family business if they don’t get their way. Never let them hold you hostage! Once you begin to pay the ransom of letting them have their way, you will never get rid of that tactic. It will haunt you until you finally dig in your heels and refuse to give in. Since the stakes usually get higher and higher as the children get older, it is letting them have their way, you will never get rid of that tactic. It will haunt you until you finally dig in your heels and refuse to give in. Since the stakes usually get higher and higher as the children get older, it is usually better to stop them from using this tactic very early in the relationship. Remember the last time you were in a food market and heard a little child say, “I want some candy�? The mother says no, and the child starts to scream and cry. The child is holding the parent hostage with their behavior. If the parent wants to stop everyone in the market from staring at them, they will usually give in and allow the child to have the candy. Think about it. If this parent cannot control the actions and behavior of a five year old, how do they expect to have any semblance of control when the child is fifteen? The stakes just keep getting higher and higher as the child gets older and older. |
| Next Page |